BLONDE LOGIC

Forest Find

Last week my sister Kristen drove me up to Boston for Thanksgiving, me and Butchie, the dog. I brought my king size pillow with the satin pillowcase for the ride, Butchie’s pillow was bigger. About 4 1/2 hours into the ride we were approaching our destination, Momma's house, when my sister said “I want to bring the dog to the park so I’ll have Mom come pick you up there.” Nothing like driving over 4 hours to get somewhere and 15 minutes before you arrive at the destination your driver says “Hey, change of plans, I just realized I got a dog here who needs to run in the woods so you, well you’ll have to carry on alone from here.”

 

I called my mother who agreed to come pick me up by the woods in the park, identifying my location with “Kristen said you know the spot in the park where the dogs are, that’s where I am”. As I sat and waited, dog owners seemed suspicious. Who is the girl in the faux fur jacket with sunglasses and a suitcase and NO dog? Murderer? Embezzler? Scorned mistress? Dog snatcher! Everybody watch your dog, there’s a brazen dog snatcher lurking. As my imagination ran wild, time passed. No sign of a forest rescue. My mother called “I’m at the spot in the park by the woods where the dogs go and I don’t see you, THIS is ridiculous. Where the hell……………”

I interrupt “I have a fur coat on”

She interrupts “It’s not that I don’t recognize you! I DON’T SEE YOU. Where is Kristen?”

“In the woods”

At this point I can’t help but laugh so hard I cry. I tried to catch my breath “Wherever you are, can you hear me laughing?”

My mother said “I’ll try one more spot but then I’m GOING HOME”

Thankfully she found me. She pulled up in her brand new jet black sedan. I threw my suitcase in the trunk. We pulled into the mud and spun the tires as we took off. I think a dog owner tried to get our license plate.

That was day one. Thankfully I was not abandoned in any thickets or croplands or any other wild terrain for the rest of my stay. Although I did see a field of willowy stalks that I thought would be fun to run through. I verbalized the thought and my mother said “Would you run naked?” which got me to thinking how little I do when I’m naked nowadays.

Gotta change that.

 

10? I know of 2!

Maybe 3

Thanks for listening!

Kisses-

Kendra

Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.

www.kendracunningham.com                   

www.blondelogicblog.com

twitter @kendracomedy

The Inquisitive Acquaintance

 

People don’t realize how protective comics are of their comedy. Sometimes it takes a simple inquiry to make me feel taunted, especially when it’s an insincere exploration into the validity, success, or future of my comedic life.

“When’s your next show?” is the most common attitude provoking inquiry. You know why? It’s always the same people asking, sometimes twice in one night. Guess what? They NEVER come to a show. Not once. I want to say “Hey listen don’t use my comedy as a conversation filler. It’s important to me. I know it’s not important to you, but a measly conversation filler? That’s an affront. Comment on my shirt or my hair or my fluctuations in weight, or better yet, pretend like you didn’t see me. That’ll work for me.”

And it’s always right off the bat.

Goading me.

“Hey Kendra, over here, remember me? The Inquisitive Acquaintance? How’s the comedy going? You still doing that? Has anything HAPPENED with it? When are you performing next?” That would be like me seeing somebody I know in passing and greeting them with “Oh hey, are you still pursuing your wild card dream? When can I come watch you chase this lofty goal in public? Can you write down the details so it seems like I’m going to go and bear witness although I’ll most likely not show simply because I’m not truly interested in seeing other people go after what they want in life? And quite frankly, I only laugh if the person I’m banging is laughing. I don’t know funny.”

“Do you have one of those web site things? You do? What is it?” What’s my website?

Take a guess.

MAYBE it’s my name. Have you ever tried that? Do I really look like the type of comic who is gonna have a kitschy site?

Right bitches dot net

Kendra made a funny dot com

If these tits could talk dot edu

Actually I kind of like that one.

In closing, Comedy is going well. Let’s leave it at that. My next show: Eugene Mirman’s Pretty Good Friends show on Sunday November 4th at Union Hall, Brooklyn http://www.unionhallny.com/home.php

My website is www.kendracunningham.com

It has a calendar section

I just got a haircut, talk about that if you’re scrambling

I was going for Bridget Bardot ………….

Stay silly

Thanks for listening!

Kisses- Kendra

Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle. www.kendracunningham.com

www.blondelogicblog.com

twitter @kendracomedy