I’ve received half a dozen voicemails for someone named Jimmy this week. I don’t know Jimmy but I do know Gary needs him for an elevator job that involves a certain elevator model that only Jimmy knows inside and out. At first it was exciting. I don’t get a ton of voicemails, to see two new voicemails from an unfamiliar number.. this was something.
Gary was quick and direct in the first message “ Jimmy, its Gary I got one of those elevators on the fritz. Give me a call will ya buddy?” . The second one sounded like Gary’s hangover was kicking in “Jimbo, I need you to call me. Today. Seriously don’t be a jerkoff. It’s Gary”. Two hours later I saw Gary rang my phone, I already recognized his number. This time he left the office number so I called him back. A lady answered the phone and said something like “LI Elevators”. I asked for Gary. She asked “who’s callin?”
“I’m a friend of Jimmy’s” I said without hesitation.
She put me on hold for what I felt was an unreasonable amount of time, I’m pretty sure Jimmy wouldn’t have liked it either. I hung up.
The next day I was at the gym when I saw Gary calling my phone, I sent him to voicemail. I didn’t want to help Gary anymore.
Gary left two messages describing the elevator situation and implied Jimmy had a history of irresponsible behavior. I had had enough. I called Gary one more time.
“Something Something Elevators”
“Yeah is Gary there?”
“Tell him it’s Jimmy”
I get transferred to another lady.
“Something Something Elevator”
“I’m trying to reach Gary”
“it’s a friend of Jimmy’s”
“Gary’s not here, can I take a message?”
“Yeah can you tell him he has the wrong phone number for Jimmy. He keeps leaving him voicemails on my number”
“Do you have a new number for him? We have a job for him”
“I know you have a job for him but I don’t even know Jimmy. I’m just trying to get out of the loop.”
“I thought you said you were a friend of Jimmy’s”
“I just said that to try to get Gary on the phone”
“Okeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy” she says like the only thing she is gonna remember about this conversation is I said I was Jimmy’s friend even though I wasn’t.
“Will you give Gary the message?”
“Wait, here’s Gary, you want to talk to him?”
“Not really. Can’t you just tell him what’s going on?”
The lady starts laughing.
I hang up.
I immediately got embarrassed that I hung up and thought about calling back and saying we got disconnected but I didn’t. Instead I sat around and wondered if I should have handled it differently.
There’s a part of me that thinks it was an elaborate prank. I’m anticipating a voicemail tomorrow:
“Hey this is Jimmy, just calling in for messages”
I kinda hope so.
I have a feeling Jimmy is my type.
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.