My friend shared a sexting exchange she had with a new flame. She was good. She came up with quick suggestive, sometimes even blatantly dirty, messages. I freeze up when someone sends me a raunchy text message. My responses always come off neutral, like I just received a bit of information I was waiting for. I can receive a garish text and respond something like:
“Okey Dokey Smokey”
I’m worse in person. I don’t even respond verbally. Last night a guy started talking suggestive, not even filthy, just suggestive to me at the bar and I felt like an MLB pitcher interacting with the catcher- a lot of quick head movements to indicate agreement, leaning in to get a good handle on the situation, occasionally looking around to see what else is happening, snapping my gum, all the while with no interpretable expression on my face.
Even in bed, I’ve never been much for talking. When I do I always regret it and spend days rehashing the whole stupid “I’m gonna step out of my comfort zone” experience. Plus, I kind of whisper, making it inaudible so a whole clarification conversation ensues, complete with a guessing component.
Guy: “ What?”
Guy:” Kendra, c’mon what did you say?”
Me:” No it’s stupid. Let’s just, you know, carry on here”
Guy:”did you say &%$**%@!?”
Me:”God no! ”
Guy:” you said $#@*&*%, didn’t you?”
Me:” I’m leaving”
Guy:”Ok just let me &^%$##&**^%”
Me:” Sounds good”
I'm gonna hang a "Quiet" sign on my bedroom door.
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.