I went to visit my mother 2 weeks ago for 5 days. Everytime I go to visit she calls me up and asks if there is anything special I want at the supermarket. Sometimes I ask for things I shouldn’t have like Cheez Its and bologna and then I get to wonder if they will actually be there when I arrive. This time I asked for orange juice because I had been battling a cold. My mother hates orange juice and I know that about her but it doesn’t stop her from telling me about it everytime the subject of orange juice is brought up.
“ It just makes me sick, that stuff. Oranges, I love. Orange juice, eh. Just thinking about it turns my stomach. Acidic is what it is. I’m surprised you kids like it. To each his own I suppose. Ok I’ll get ya some orange juice anything else you want that makes me nauseous and queasy? You want s quart of cow brains or some little pigs feet? You want to really make your mother sick? Maybe something with a putrid odor?”
She bought me a dozen single size serving Tropicana orange juices. I drank two. Yesterday I was talking to her on the phone and mentioned I was going to buy some fresh orange juice for my cold and guess what ? Her purchase of excess orange juice is still an open wound.
“ Kendra, now really, are you gonna drink that juice because I got ten single servings of Tropicana that says you won’t. Why buy more juice. You have juice here. I should send you a picture of all this juice. Are you gonna be back before June 7th? because all these little juices will go bad. Should I just throw them out now so I don’t have to get sick every single time I open the refrigerator? Maybe I’ll send them to you. It’s such a WASTE. This orange juice purchase I made. It makes me sick. It really does.”
I convinced her not to mail me the juice.
She’s pretty sure if she freezes it, it will stay “good” and she’ll bring it to me at my show in Boston June 12th.
“remind me!” she said
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.