I may be the only hypochondriac that hates going to the doctor. They ask so many questions. I feel like there are so withholding with their diagnosis. And I can never describe the pain I’m in. I just know I feel like shit. I think “my stomach hurts” should be enough to go on. The patient shouldn’t be responsible for knowing if it’s the upper or lower abdomen, if it’s only when I eat certain foods, or if the pain intensifies before 7 am or after 7 pm. Doctor’s always ask specific but yet obscure questions “ well what kind of pain is it? Stabbing? Burning? Shooting?”
I haven’t been stabbed, burned, or shot recently so I really can’t say plus, if I had a history of being stabbed, burned, and shot I’d probably have a pretty high threshold for pain and wouldn’t be running to the doctor for a bellyache. There might not be anything seriously wrong with me. Shit, maybe I just need to be burped - I don’t know. You’re the doctor figure it out.
What if I was mute? What if I had no means for communicating? What would you do then? I bet you wouldn’t be attempting to interrogate me if I came in flailing my arms around, clutching my stomach, with “I’m in horrible pain” facial expressions, all the while making inaudible attempts to communicate. You would automatically believe that person but because I can talk I get the third degree about my ailment.
I think everytime you go to the doctor they should act hyper concerned, even express some empathy. They should say “ I’m sorry you don’t feel good. I know how horrible it is to not feel 100% but I deal with sick people all the time so don’t worry, your in good hands. Now let’s run every test ever invented and find something wrong with you! How does that sound?”
That’s all I really want.
Someone who is as committed to finding something wrong with me as I am.
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.