Vicky Christina Barcelona
Watching the trailers for Vicky Christina Barcelona months back, I thought it was a more cerebral, modern day version of Summer Lovers complete with ménage de trios in foreign landscapes with sexy foreign guys and flirtations with bisexuality. It’s always one sexy foreign guy on his home turf with two American women, both ultimately falling for him because he’s blunt and uninhibited and, most of all, ridiculously complimentary. Everything is amazing and beautiful to this guy. The final shot of the movie is always the girls exiting the plane back in American, home …confused, introspective, and changed in some way by this man and their experience.
It’s never one American woman in a foreign country having the time of her life with two foreign hotties who both fall for her and she flies home happy as a lark, licking her fingers clean. Meanwhile the hot lovers are walking around the streets of Mikonos in a daze, calculating how many piles of fish they would have to sell to go to New York and complete this romantic dalliance.
The point is there should be more movies empowering women. You would think Angelina Jolie would be all over that. The problem with Angelina is she embraces the fact that she’s a powerfully sexy and an influential woman but she doesn’t want any company in that arena. She’s not into the sisterhood. I can’t even say she’s one of the guys because she’s not. She’ll hang with the guys long enough to figure out who her next victim is and then she lures him away from the group and beats any glimmer of individuality and testosterone out of his post coital carcass. She doesn’t want to help anybody who might prove to be competition to her in the future. That’s why she goes to other countries. And helps kids. She always shooting off at the mouth about strong political views on education and rehabilitation. I don’t think she ever went to college. If she did, she was the hot chick with no female friends. Not because she was hot because she has no sense of humor. I could write a book about all the things about Angelina Jolie that drive me crazy but, to be fair, I doubt she comes up with half of this shit on her own. Someone’s spoon feeding her information to change her image and then she gets to have her makeup and hair done by professionals, dressed by a stylist, and coached by an expert, before she goes out and makes her public appearance. I never said I wasn’t jealous.
Vicky Christina Barcelona was ok. I got to watch it in my super comfortable bed, alone on a Sunday afternoon so it’s hard not to have fun in that situation. I found out later that day it was a Woody Allen film. I feel like it makes the story more interesting. “ I spent Sunday watching a Woody Allen film” somehow sounds better than “ I spent Sunday watching Vicky Christina Barcelona”. The movie itself was ok. I hate to admit it made me want to have a fling with a man with an accent. I feel like that’s what it was supposed to do and I hate that I succumbed. Being the cynic that I am, I spent most of the film wondering how these happy, crazy artists supported themselves. Javier Bardim had a kick ass house in the hills in Barcelona with a convertible and went out drinking wine and eating and flying off to secret parts of Spain for days at a time. I saw him paint a few times but I never saw him in any sort of monetary transaction or work a few hours in a coffee shop or temp or anything! These are the things I focuis on. Sometimes it’s not that fun to watch movies with me. I realize it’s a movie but divulge his source of income for Christ’s sake. Make him a counterfeiter, a vineyard owner, give him a bartending shift. I could care less, just don’t make him come from a wealthy family who wants to disown him. It’s not that interesting.
It was a fun movie. Penelope Cruz steals the show. I think this is my favorite role for her and I am not a fan. I miss people like Ellen Barkin and Linda Fiorentino. Javier was sexy and funny and a bit of dick, but a hedonistic dick, which is my favorite kind. Of course, all the American characters are stereotypical to the point where you can predict their conflicts and reactions without hesitations. Yawn. The movie was aesthetically pretty and fun but not riveting or enlightening or meaningful. The biggest thing I got out of it was a heightened desire to move to another country and play the American woman on a few months vacation and see how ballsy these foreign guys really are.
After the movie, I went to the gym and on my way home I saw Christmas trees for sale. I was poking around for a cute little tree when the tree salesman approached me and asked “ Do you think your husband would like that one?” with a very heavy eastern European accent. I wanted to say something like “ He’s in Tokyo for the month. Do you deliver?” and let the games begin but he probably says that to all the tree browsers. I’m no fool. We had a lovely discussion about his tree inventory. He promised me he would have some smaller trees in this week and he never mentioned my husband again. Pathetically, I thought about him hours later while I was working. I wondered how he came to sell trees on Court Street in Brooklyn and if he really thought I was married. Now I have to spend the next month avoiding the tree stand so I don’t get sucked into a meaningless crush on a tree salesman. It’s alright. It will force me to leave the ten block radius of my apartment more often.
But I do want to buy a tree. I’ll just have to make it clear with the European man who talked to me for four minutes at the tree stand. We have a strictly business relationship. I’m here to buy a tree and that’s it. End of story.
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.