Don't Forget to Chew

Summer Buzzin'

 

 

Summer is drawing to a close. I just got back from a week on Cape Cod, drinking Mojito’s at the Tiki Bar in Dennisport. It’s amazing what a difference it makes when you’re drinking a well-made cocktail. It got me to thinking about the best cocktails I’ve had this summer. After sifting through 27 beer memories and 44 wine recollections, I recalled these three cocktails I discovered on my drinking jaunts this summer. You have a few weeks left for seasonal drinking, get at it.

 

 

Brucie

234 Court Street

Brooklyn,NY

347.987.4961

 

The Roosevelt

gin, chartreuse, st. germain, lime, berries

 

First of all, it’s purple. Prince Purple Rain purple. It’s a head turner of a cocktail. A conversation starter to say the least “What are you drinking?”

“Oh, you mean this? With the never seen before size of blackberries strewn across the top? Oh and the colossal ice cube? You want a taste?”

Wahhh lah, instant drinking buddies.  I only had one because I was attracting too much attention. This is the type of drink that needs to be paired with a blow out or a good lipstick or a touch of cleavage. It can steal focus. It’s a fun drink but it won’t get you wasted, the only drawback that I can see. I drink to get drunk. Is that so wrong?

 

La Vara

268 Clinton St
Brooklyn, NY
718.422.0065

 

La Vara’s Gin-Tonic

horse’s-neck lemon peel. Plymouth gin. Fever-Tree tonic water

Did you ever want to be in a yacht promo ad, the shores of Mykonos in the background, a Bain de Soleil tan on a fat free body with a jealousy inducing cocktail in your hand? A cocktail that says “I paid someone to make me this cocktail and they made it right’?

Belly up to the bar at La Vara.

The biggest draw to this G&T is the horse’s neck lemon peel. I’m not one to go cuckoo for garnishes but this one screams “you want me”. A horse’s neck lemon peel is the complete peel of one lemon pared from the fruit in one continuous strip. When plopped in a tulip glass, you’ll pay up based on presentation alone. It is without a doubt the best gin and tonic I have had in my whole entire life. Plymouth gin is always good but this Fever Tree tonic from India, is its better half. I hate to admit it but, I gulped it down, aggressively enjoying every sip. I complimented it verbally with things like

“Jesus! Amazing” and “Now that’s fucking delicious”. I only had one because it was way too bright in there. I told them that too, they said the lighting is such that if they dim the house lights, it looks like they’re closed. Ok so, what?  Wear a big ass hat? A parasol?

You can actually sit outside on an old weathered bench. That’s what I did. Not the best way to meet people but at least I got to forewarn all the newcomers “It’s wicked bright in there”. That’s the other thing about gin and tonic; it gives me a different kind of “What? Why can’t I say that” buzz.

 

The Double Windsor

210 Prospect Park West
Brooklyn, NY
347.725.3479

 

EL GAUCHO BORRACHO

Primo vodka. Simple sugar. Lime juice.

Shaken

Pour over ice

Drizzle malbec

Lime garnish

 

This one takes the cake. First of all it’s pretty. Everybody likes pretty things. Picture moderately stormy waters in Bora Bora with petals from a tropical violet floating on the waves, maybe you ate a mushroom that makes you feel invincible, entertaining, and erotic, you toss your sun-bleached hair over your bare shoulder and laugh. That’s what it feels like to hold a Gaucho Borracho in your real life hand. Not only is this thing fantasy inducing, people from across the bar will ask the bartender “Hey what’s that girl drinking? The drunk one flinging her hair around”

The best thing is it will throw you for a loop. It’s the ultimate attitude adjustment. Need to jump start a party night? Gaucho Borracho.  Need to be honest about something with someone? Gaucho Borracho. Want to forget the past couple of days of your existence? Three Gaucho Borrachos and you’re back on top.

Ok the most I’ve had is two in one sitting. People thought I had a lot more than two.

I kept inserting “Gaucho Borracho” with a bad Mexican accent into every conversation.

Person: “Kendra,  do you have a show tonight?”

Me: “Who sent you? Gaucho Borracho?”

Then I laugh. So yeah, you might not make a lot of new friends buzzing on the Borracho, but guess what? You won’t care.

Unless, of course, someone takes pictures.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let me know what you think! Seriously, I’ll respond and everything

Thanks for listening

Kisses

Kendra

Kendra@kendracunningham.com

www.kendracunningham.com

www.blondelogicblog.com

Personal Booth - Alumni Cafe

This is a  booth at the Alumni Cafe

Picture yourself in it!

 

If you told me you’d never been to the Alumni Café in Quincy MA, I wouldn’t be surprised. It’s a pub with no windows. None. You have to open the enormous wooden door to see what it’s all about. The minute the door opens, every knuckle cracking customer at the bar turns to see “who the fuck is it now?”. The only people who don’t move are the ones who left their hearing aids at home.  

The place is split into two rooms, the dive bar and the pizza place. The pizza place gets their own KENO screen so you don’t have to leave your booth to check the winning numbers. Yeah I said booth. This place only has booths. All three walls are lined with booths. Yes the place has four walls but the fourth wall is cluttered with a Pac-Man game console that seats two people and some other random items that weren’t as important. 

 

I’m a big booth fan. It seems like every 60’s and 70’s restaurant designer were pro booth. Now a days if you find a place with booths they are outnumbered by regular old tables. You gotta wait for them. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve said “we’ll wait for a booth” A booth is a table upgrade. How can you not want a booth? I always want to go around and say “hey if we all said we’d wait for a booth, eventually they would get rid of the tables and get more booths, you know what I’m saying?” but I can’t talk to people who are eating when I haven’t eaten yet.

 

Turns out I can own my very own booth http://www.retroplanet.com/PROD/18728

But then I have to get someone to come over and serve me.

 

There is one table in the place but that’s where the waitresses sit and watch what’s happening. I have a funny feeling they sit there and smoke when Sully says it’s ok.

 

 My mother and I ordered a pizza with linguica and onions, the waitress Lena said “good choice”.  Linguica makes everything better. You can say “Jimbo choked on a piece of linguica” and guaranteed someone will say “Ohh, I love linguica”.

 

The wine comes in the 187 ml bottles, the little ones you get on a plane. We played some KENO while we waited. The pizza was the 12 inch pub style pizzas that I love. Crispy crust, certain areas of the cheese crunched too, I think the linguica added some extra oil to it. My mother saw someone she knows picking up pizza to go which seemed to be a substantial part of their business.

Now this is how I know I liked a place. I’m done with my meal. Full. Waiting for the bill and suddenly I think “I should get something to go”. Not based on need or hunger or even generosity to share with others, based exclusively on voracity. I ordered a plain cheese to go. My mother said “Kendraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” and just looked at me. I looked away. The order had been placed.

Needless to say that cheese pizza never made it past midnight.

 

Odds I’ll be back: it’s a shoo in

Possibility of witnessing a bar brawl: in your favor

 

PROS:

Legalized gambling

Dimly lit drinking spot

Linguica

Locals Locals Locals

 

Alumni Café’

708 Hancock St
Quincy, MA 02170

(617) 472-0555

Thanks for listening!

Kisses-

Kendra

Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t settle.

www.kendracunningham.com                   

www.blondelogicblog.com

 

Lunch is over, please leave

 

Van Horn Sandwich Shop

231 Court Street, Brooklyn

http://vanhornbrooklyn.com/

 

 

Friday February 24^th – Lunch

 

My mother was in town this past Friday and I tried to bring her to Brucie http://brucienyc.com/ for lunch. I’ve been hearing about the food at Brucie for weeks and was excited to experience it for the first time with Momma Cunningham. We got there at 3:25 only to find they stop serving lunch at 3:30, or in this case, 3:25. For the record, I think this was my first lunch rejection. I don’t think I’ve ever tried to go to a restaurant that shuts down completely between lunch and dinner but I could be wrong. This new experience resulted in a clarifying conversation that went something like this

Me: “So, we can’t even come in?’

Guy at Brucie: “No.”

Momma: “I’m visiting”

I swear someone cut the ambient music.

Complete silence.

Me and mother stood facing the “I used to have a professional job and I still wear my work clothes in my more casual work environment” manager

More silence

Me: “C’mon Mum”

We turned and started to walk to the door, he called after us “you can get food to go”.  I typically eat my take out in bed. The thought of me and my mother lounging gracefully eating take out on my bed was, well, a little Grey Gardens for me. We went across the street to Van Horn. Now I have purchased the fried chicken (chicken supplied by my butcher  http://www.lospaisanosmeatmarket.com/) sandwich from Van Horn to go and found it juicy, well seasoned, and quite filling but it was over 6 months ago and I’ve had several friend chicken experiences since then so I could be getting my chickens mixed up. We entered, the two people who worked there did not greet us. A big part of a memorable food experience is the staff. Service industry 101: greet the customers, make them feel special. Moments later one of the girls meekly whispered “sit anywhere”  while avoiding eye contact. “Maybe she’s legally blind, Kendra”  I said to myself. She approached us with trepidation, placed two menus on the table and despondently walked away. My mother whispered “She seems sad”.  You gotta be pretty friggin’ forlorn for a complete stranger to sense it nonverbally. Anyway, I couldn’t decide what I wanted so I got three things, tomato soup, baked beans and mac and cheese. My mother got the Pimento cheese sandwich. The minute I heard her order I knew she ordered better than me. There is a competitive nature to ordering when out to eat. At least for me. I always want to have the best dish. Who doesn’t?

Tomato soup: tasted too much like tomato paste and the “crisp” bread wedges were not crunchy. In all fairness I think I really wanted a tomato bisque. I had about 6 spoons full.

Baked beans: good. I like them on the sweeter side,these were more of a smoked flavor. I would have asked for a dash of molasses but I was afraid I might make the waitress cry.

I had about 5 bites.

Mac and Cheese: Ok I bartend at the Double Windsor (http://www.dwbrooklyn.com/) and they have one of the best rue based mac and cheeses I’ve ever had, so yes, I’m biased but I will say this was a good mac and cheese. I would get it again if I ever heard there were happy people working at Van Horn. It had cheddar and parmesan cheese, was very hot when served. There’s nothing worse than a warm mac and cheese. I want it steaming. The simmering cheese was covered in crunchy breadcrumbs and the breadcrumbs were all over the place. I could never understand why places chintz on breadcrumbs. They cost next to nothing and they add so much. Bring on the breadcrumbs.

I ate the whole thing.

So the best order winner is………..

The Pimento Cheese sandwich. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on it. Based on presentation alone. It was the prettiest, most colorful plate to land on the table. Orange cheese, pimentos, garlic, mayo oozing out of two  humongous pieces of toasted bread.  I got one bite. Then I picked at the pimento cheese overflow. My mother knew she got the best thing. She poo poo’d the soup “too spicy”  and snubbed the baked beans “I never gave you those growing up. I don’t know how you started eating them.” The mac and cheese, well, she never got a chance to taste. Oink Oink.

 

Van Horn does offer those mini bottles of Coke. I had two.

 

All in all, I’d say the food is a 5 except for the Pimento Cheese Sandwich which was a 10.

I want to give the staff  a zero but I’m afraid she’ll somehow read this and her sadness will turn to rage, a rage that can only be tamed by hunting me down and forcing me to listen to all the reasons why she is sad. So I give the staff a 5 but we all know why.

 

Probability I’ll go back: Slim to None

 

Have pimento cheese on the brain?

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/pimiento-cheese-recipe3/index.html

Van Horn needs to hire this lady

 

 

 

Kendra Cunningham has not gone to cooking school nor does she cook on a regular basis. Her qualifications are simple: Avid food consumer and Compulsive socializer.

Kendra is often mistaken for a competitive eater.

www.kendracunningham.com

www.blondelogicblog.com

Twitter: Kendracomedy